The Almost Tabla Rasa

Third spacing is the physiological concept that fluid in the body may escape from tissues and vessels (where they are normally found) and pathologically accumulate in a third compartment, such as a cavity. The individual experiencing this inappropriate arrival of fluids can sustain serious injury and lasting damage to his/ her body if the situation is not recognized and dealt with accordingly. So too, can a creative writing major who finds herself in the strange, Herculean land of med school - for the second time around.

For the life of me, I can't explain why I'm back in medical school, two years after my first physiology lecture, a year after enjoying the simple bliss that is being 23 and living paycheck to paycheck in a city full of ingenuous and delightful purpose-seeking, job-transitioning peers. It was, after all, so bad the first time around that I had a major breakdown, quit school, and moved 1,000 miles away to the Northeast (of all places) to find refuge from the examination lights of academic rigor and parental expectations in my Southern Ivy campus bubble - the same place that I had spent the previous four years, learning about Tennyson and tartaric acid in undergrad.

So ready was I to escape from the familiarity that I hardly contemplated the trials I would face ahead, brand new and plain in view after just a few short weeks. Although I was lucky to have found a few good friends and picked up some valuable lessons along the course of my "year off," which made it all worth it, I'm luckiest to have actually put all my eggs in one basket and have things still turn out okay. More than okay. The only lines I can think of to describe the feeling of retrospective disbelief in how things worked out so well without you having a clue are Matt Nathanson's Car Crash lyrics: "I want to let go/ and know/ that I'll be all right." It turns out that, probably more than just once in a blue moon, the fallout from a particularly bad time in your life can end up being the best thing that's ever happened to you.

With this in mind, I'm intrigued to see what will happen in the journey ahead. If I can tell you anything at all, I should say that the most successful people are not the ones who plan out everything and have everything go according to plan - it's the ones who don't expect things to go according to plan and can adapt to new situations as they arise...even when they find themselves in the unlikeliest of all places. And who knows...maybe if I can stay there *just* long enough, the third space could start to feel like mine.